|Season 3, Episode 5|
|Air date||May 21, 2005|
|Written by||Anthony Del Broccolo|
|Directed by||Adam Weissman|
Playing the Field
The Affair is the fifth episode of the third season of Drake & Josh. It aired on May 21, 2005.
Drake and Josh's family are at home. As Josh tells Walter about the profession day at his school, his father says he can't go because he has to go to a "conference about clouds". The phone rings, and Drake tells Walter it's a woman. He anxiously goes to the kitchen to answer the phone. Drake goes in the kitchen to eat something, and listens to Walter saying that he's interested in something, but must think about his family. Drake takes Josh to their room to have a talk. After Drake tells everything he heard Walter say, both speculate that Walter is dating another woman, and that they shouldn't tell this to their mom.
Late in the night, Walter is seen wearing a suit and tries to be as quiet as he can, when he's back home, just to find out that he ran into Josh. He then tells his son that he left the house to buy some milk, though he drank it all coming back, but doesn't want Josh to tell Audrey about this. Josh runs to his room to tell Drake about their dad being suspicious.
They skip school to eavesdrop Walter with the woman. Back at their home, Drake has an idea. They will try to show their father that Audrey is great. The brothers make a special breakfast for him. When Walter comes in, they pretend that Audrey made it for him. He began enjoying it, until he chokes on the waffles they served. Josh finds out that Drake put cumin on the waffles, and Walter is allergic to it. Audrey comes in and has a fight with Walter about finding loose hair in their shower and putting cumin in his waffles, thinking that Audrey was the one who made it.
Drake and Josh then wants to find the woman Walter is "dating". Megan tells them that the woman is named Peggy Sherman and that she reads her father's e-mails, and discovered that he and Peggy Sherman will meet at a restaurant. The next day, both of them spy on Walter and Peggy. Drake tosses a meatball at Walter's shirt, and Walter is removed from his seat to clean it. After he leaves, the brothers go to Peggy's table, and still thinking she is dating their father, they insult her and throw food at her face. Walter returns, but Peggy refuses to see him again because of his sons, and leaves. Walter then reveals that he was requested to be the weatherman on America's number one TV show, Good Morning Today. Drake and Josh try to escape, but their dad forces them to pour food and drinks on themselves, making Walter proud for what they did.
Drake: Great; can you hand me that bullhorn?
Josh: Here you go.
Drake: Thanks. (turns the bullhorn on): GET OFF OF ME!
Josh: I just always looked up to my dad, you know, like a role model so to see him do something like this, you know, it just makes me feel like...the attention span... of a squirrel!
Megan: Hey, Mom. Hey, boob.
Drake: Don't call me a boob.
Megan: Sorry, boob!
Drake: I'm gonna get a snack.
Megan: Bring me something.
Drake: (unhappily) I'll bring her something.
Megan: When will the lobsters be ready?
Drake: Yeah, I'm starving!
Josh: I don't control the speed in which lobsters die!
Josh: You put cumin in his waffles?!
Drake: You said to put cumin in them.
Josh: I said cinnamon. CINNAMON!!
Drake: What's the difference?
Josh: Everything! All right, cinnamon is sweet and delicious. Cumin is a Mexican spice! You were flavoring a waffle, not a chimichanga!
Drake: So, I made a little mistake.
Josh: A HUGE mistake, all right? Dad's allergic to cumin and he's probably dying right now! Drake and Josh: DAD!!!
Walter: You know I'm allergic to cumin!
Audrey: So, what does that have to do with anything?
Drake: Are my thumbs the same size? (Holds up thumbs; Drake and Josh examine them)
Josh: (Sarcastically) Ooh, one looks thicker!
Audrey: When I go for my morning shower, I do not enjoy stepping on a hamster!
Walter: So I left a little hair in the drain.
Josh How about those Red Sox? They're good, right? (He and Drake give a thumbs up)
Audrey: When I take my morning shower, I do not enjoy stepping on a hamster!
Drake: Hey, would anyone want a "tangelo"?
Josh: Mmm, half-tangerine, half-... an 'ello.
Drake: (with a fake British accent) 'Ello!
Drake: Josh! I think Dad's having... women problems.
Josh: Dad has cramps?
Walter: Sorry Josh, I can't make it to career day on Wednesday.
Josh: Why not?
Walter: I have a conference to go to that day, about clouds... it's a cloud conference... we call it a "CC."
Drake: You are an exciting man.
Josh: (Yelling at drake) No, we already have detention for skipping school, and you mucked up my perfect attendance record you--you-- you mucker!
Josh: One who mucks!
Drake: I think Dad's seeing another woman.
Josh: Seeing another woman to do what?
Drake: Look, I think he is dating another woman.
Josh: Whaa-? Dad cannot be dating another woman! I mean, he's married to our mom!!! (starts laughing)
(Drake just stares at him)
Josh: (stops laughing) Oooohh!
Josh: (To Walter) So you got up at midnight, put on a suit, drove out and bought some milk, and drank the entire carton on the way home?
Drake: Where'd the lobster bite you?
Josh: Is Megan still in the room?
Josh: Tell you later!
Audrey: Josh is making lobsters.
Drake: Lobsters aren't gross.
Megan: I meant Josh.
Josh: How did you know that?
Megan: I read Dad's e-mail.
Josh: How'd you get his password?
Megan: It wasn't that hard. His password is "password".
Drake: Oh, THAT is dumb!
Megan: It's a new kind of dumb.
Josh: Yeah it is. (Walks over to his computer)
Drake: You gonna change your password?
Drake: What happened?
Josh: I caught him sneaking him in and when I'd asked him where he'd been he was all like "I was out buying milk, but I drank it all on the way home!"
Drake: That's bad.
Drake: We really needed some milk.
Josh: THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR DAIRY NEEDS!
Drake: Josh, can I talk to you for a minute?
Josh : I can't, I'm watching Extreme Housewives. OOOH! Malanda's gettin' a tummy tuck!
Walter: Boys, that "skunk bag" just so happens to be the senior producer of Good Morning Today and she was talking to me about being the weatherman...on the number one NATIONAL MORNING SHOW IN AMERICA!
- This episode presents a classic sitcom plot.
- It is revealed in this episode that Walter is allergic to cumin.
- "Good Morning Today" is a parody of Good Morning America and The Today Show.
- Drake and Josh might have thought Peggy was bisexual when she claimed that she was "considering one woman".
- This is one of the few times that they aren't grounded for their antics, but are instead punished a different way.
- This is the only episode where the transition goes directly to the theme song after the intro.