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Dr. Phyllis Show
Season 3, Episode 20
Dr. Phylis Show
Air date April 8, 2006
Written by Anthony Del Broccolo

Eric Friedman

Directed by Steve Hoefer
Episode Guide
Previous:
Alien Invasion
Next:
Josh Runs Into Oprah

Dr. Phyllis Show is the twentieth episode of the third season of Drake & Josh. It aired on April 8, 2006.

Plot

Drake and Josh have been fighting a lot lately, and Megan, getting sick of their fighting keeping her awake at night, gets them tickets to be on the Dr. Phyllis Show (an obvious parody of Dr. Phil). They discuss lots of bad things that have happened between them during the course of the show, such as: Drake essentially damaging, but not completely destroying Josh's relationship with his Yudonian e-pal Yooka, with the so-called "friendship ceremony" that was revealed to be a marriage ceremony not long after the ceremony was completed, as well as the various pranks that their sister Megan has pulled on them and the arguments that she has instigated between them.

At one point later on, Josh mentions that one of Drake's biggest flaws is his habit of taking advantage of not just him, but other people for his own personal gain, and reveals to Dr. Phyllis that Drake once dated Liza Tupper purely to make his ex-girlfriend, Tori, jealous, and Drake adds that Liza was "not the smartest wonton on the pu pu platter" and a terrible kisser. After Drake says this, Dr. Phyllis reveals that Liza's her daughter, and of course, becomes understandably furious with Drake, but goes too far when she pulls Drake out of his chair and proceeds to start strangling him and does the same with Josh and even performs a scissor-lock on him.

When the brothers get home, they remember all the good times they've had together, but end up getting into a fight over soda after Drake accidentally got diet and demanded that Josh switch with him and Josh refused to do so.

Quotes

Intro scene

Drake: (angry) Okay, you want to know something about Josh?

Josh: (angry) Yeah, I'll tell you a little secret about Drake!

Drake: He can be the most irritating human on the planet.

Josh: Sometimes he aggravates me to a point where I just want to go (growls and does a strangling motion with his hands)

Drake: (anger rising) I'm not doing too good in English, right?

Josh: (anger rising) You know Drake hates my girlfriend Mindy, right?

Drake: So last week he goes up to our teacher...

Josh: So on Saturday, Mindy's walking up our driveway...

Drake: And Josh tells her I should have a tutor!

Josh: And Drake sprays her with the hose!

Drake: (furious) A tutor?!

Josh: (furious) A hose!

Drake: I can't take a shower without finding his hair on the soap!

Josh: He pees... near the toilet!

Both: Sometimes, he just drives me insane! (both cool off afterward)

Third scene

Producer: Okay, everyone stand by. In 5, 4, 3, 2...

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: (walks on stage) Hello, I'm Dr. Phyllis Tupper, and welcome to Dr. Phyllis.

(applause)

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Today's topic is on Bickering Brothers. First I'd like you to meet Drake Parker.

Josh: W-Wait. Why does he get introduced first?

Drake: (getting annoyed) Why don't you just quit your whining?

Josh: Irritant. (turns to the camera) My name's Josh Nichols.

(applause)

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Well, obviously there's been a lot of bickering going on between you two boys. Why don't you tell me about it?

Drake: Well, I'd love to, but I don't know where to start with this kid.

Josh: Clear your schedule, doc.

(both start shouting and arguing at once and flashback sequence starts)



Scene from "We're Married?"

Josh: ...So wonderful you're married. (closes the door and turns to yell at Drake) Drake! You promised me you'd back off! How dare you marry my e-woman?!

Drake: Hey, don't get mad at me! You told me this was a friendship ceremony!

Josh: Well, I thought it was!

Drake: Well, we're really good friends now!

Josh: I'm-I'm, sure you're not actually married.

Drake: Uh, yeah, we are! You heard me say (repeats foreign language).

scene from "The Affair"

Josh: Would you give me those?!—

Drake: No!

(both start arguing which ends with Josh winning back the binoculars)

Josh: (furious) You're a child!

Scene from "Foam Finger"

Josh: Your room?

Drake: (to Josh) That's right. Since my old room is inhabited by an immature beast.

Josh: This is not your room.

Drake: Oh yeah? Then why is my bed in here? Why is my guitar in here? And more importantly, why are you in here?

Josh: Because this is the living room and uh... (points to himself) yeah, living!

Drake: Maybe, but not for long.

Josh: (getting angry) Okay, you want to tussle?

Josh: You sicken me!

Drake: You're the worst.

Josh: I hope you go bald!

Drake: I hope they cancel Oprah!

Josh: Take that back!

Scene from "The Affair"

(Walter starts wheezing and Josh furiously drags Drake out of the kitchen)

Josh: You put cumin in his waffles?!

Drake: You told me to put cumin in his waffles!

Josh: (furious) I said cinnamon. Cinnamon!

scene from "Foam Finger"

Josh: You ruined my first baseball game!

Drake: (mocking and taunting Josh) Oh, poor little Josh didn't get his foam finger.

Josh: You want a mouthful of fist?!

Drake: You want a butt full of foot?

Josh: Bring it, Parker!

Drake: You bring it!

(flashback ends)

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Well, clearly there is a lot of fighting that goes on between you two brothers.

Drake: Oh, yeah. And he's always starting it.

Josh: Beg to differ.

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Uh, Josh, Drake is speaking right now, and you need to respect that, because if you don't respect him, how will he ever respect you?

Drake: (in a mocking and taunting tone) Yes, Josh. How?

Josh: He's not gonna respect me. He never does!

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Do not use the word "never," because "never" is just "ever" with an "n" in front of it. (turning to Drake) Drake, please, continue telling us a little bit more about Josh.

Drake: Glad to, Phyllis. The main thing about my brother Josh is he's a spaz!

(Josh turns to Drake, visibly angry because of what he said)

Drake: And if you don't believe me, let me share a few memories with you.

(flashback sequence starts)

Scene from "Girl Power"

Josh: ...Parents will love me, so I will not be nervous.

Megan: Really? Because most people I know put their underwear on before their pants.

Scene from "We're Married?"

Josh: I gotta get a haircut! Yooka's coming! Ow! (hits his head on the door)

Scene from "Alien Invasion"

(Drake pulls Josh in through the window in their bedroom)

Josh: I'm coming! Whoa! (falls and stumbles on the floor)

(Josh climbs out of the trashcan, covered in garbage that Walter had just poured in)

Scene from "Helen's Surgery"

Drake: Don't worry, Helen! Josh is coming!

(Josh runs and splashes into Helen's hot tub)



Scene from "Mindy's Back"

(Josh stands there mumbling unsure of what to say about being paired with Mindy)

(flashback ends)

Drake: So you see what I'm dealing with here? I'm tell you, it is not easy having Josh for a brother!

Josh: Oh, and you think you're a walk through a fresh meadow?

Drake: See? Who says things like that?

Josh: (annoyed with Drake) You hush! This is my time. Now, you want to talk about aggravating? Let me tell you a couple stories about my brother Drake.

(flashback sequence starts)

Scene from "Mindy's Back"

Drake: So you turn the magnet on by pressing this red button?

(presses the button and a virtual reality helmet Josh is testing for another student is suddenly pulled into the magnet)

Josh: Ow. Turn it off! Turn it off!

Scene from "Peruvian Puff Peppers"

Josh: Okay, so how do we buy some?

Drake: Can't. Says here they're only available in South Aw-mer-eeca.

(Drake turns to Josh who is visibly annoyed with the way that Drake mispronounced it)

Drake: What?

Josh: (angry) South America!

Drake: (looks at the word again) Oh.

Scene from "We're Married?"

Josh: (looks and sees the fire still burning in the pot) Ooh, uh, we should probably put that fire out first.

Drake: On it.

(Drake walks over to the fire, stands over it and tries to unzip his pants but Josh smacks him and stops him)

Josh: Not that way!

Scene from "The Drake and Josh Inn"

(Drake presses a button on the Mexican robot action figure)

Robot: Por favor?

Josh: No!

(Drake presses a button on the Mexican robot action figure)

Robot: Por favor?

Josh: No!

(Drake presses a button on the Mexican robot action figure)

Robot: Por favor?

Josh: All right.

Scene from "Alien Invasion"

Drake: We freeze her. Yeah, yeah. Then we thaw her out, like, 300 years into the future. Oh, man, she will be so freaked out.

Josh: (pretends to write on a notepad) Freeze her.

Drake: You didn't really right that down—

Josh: No!

Scene from "Paging Dr. Drake"

(Josh struggles trying to lift a barbell weight)

Man on television: Push in. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

(Drake's potato launcher malfunctions and launches a potato into Josh's side causing him to drop the barbell on his foot)

Josh: (screams) AAH! OW! OW! OH!

Scene from "Girl Power"

Josh: (furious) You wrecked my dinner, you wrecked my 100 dollar ice sculpture, and you wrecked my relationship!

Drake: You spent 100 dollars on ice?

(Josh gets furious at Drake tries attack him)

(flashback ends)

Josh: And that's what it's like living with Drake in your life.

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: All right. Well, we are going to to break for our commercial now. And during that time, Drake and Josh, I would like you both to think about happier times that you've shared.

Drake: (getting annoyed) Like before he moved into my life?

Josh: You see what he does? You all saw it!

Drake: (getting angry) Oh, give it a rest Josh.

(both start shouting at each other at once)

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: We'll be right back.

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Welcome back. I'm Dr. Phyllis. And the subject we are tackling today is bickering brothers, which is why I have Drake and Josh here— two brothers who lately have been doing more than their fair share of bickering.

Josh: (angry) I do not bicker. I just respond to his abnormal, irritant behavior!

Drake: (scoffs in an annoyed manner) You're the bickerer!

Josh: (furious) Liar!

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Okay, boys, now, I find that when there is tension between two siblings, sometimes that tension can be coming from another source.

Drake: (confused) I don't understand.

Josh: (sarcastic tone) Shocker.

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: What I'm ask you is if there might be someone else in your household that causes you guys stress?

Both: Megan!

(flashback sequence starts)

Scene from "Alien Invasion"

Josh: What are you doing?

(Megan lies on the grass and screams, causing a neighbor's dog to bark)

Walter: (surprised from Megan's scream) What happened?

Megan: Well, I was just out here trying to learn about space, and Drake and Josh pushed me down.

Walter: What?

Drake: We didn't push her down!

Megan: (pretending to be sarcastic) Oh, right. I just decided to lie down in the grass and scream.

Scene from "Megan's New Teacher"

Josh: First I will take this beaker of sodium sulfide and pour it into this jar. (pours it into the jar) Note how the color changes when I pour the sodium sulfide into the—

(chemical's color changes from bright red to green and explodes, leaving Josh burned and upset)

Megan: (satisfied with the outcome of her plan) Strike three, and you're out.

Scene from "Foam Finger"

(Drake snores, unaware of what Megan intends to do)

(Megan sets loud speaker down next to Drake and presses a button on her watch)

Watch: Stereo on.

(loud speaker powers on and blares Drake's snoring into his ear, waking him up)

Scene from "Peruvian Puff Peppers"

(Megan rushes to Drake's bed and sprays him with a squirt gun, waking him up)

(Turns to Josh's bed and sprays him, waking him up)

Josh: Aah! Megan, what's the matter with you?!

Megan: I want my Peruvian Puff Peppers!

Drake: Is that a band? I'm not familiar with their work.

Josh: Yeah, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave!

(Megan quickly overpowers Josh and pushes him onto the bed and starts spanking him)

Megan: (spanking and yelling) I WANT MY PERUVIAN PUFF PEPPERS!!

Scene from "Girl Power"

Megan: What up with the tie?

Josh: I'm just getting ready for my big dinner with Mindy's parents tonight.

Megan: Oh, yeah? You nervous? What if they think you're a boob? I do.

Scene from "The Drake and Josh Inn"

Megan: (getting angry) Give me the remote!

Drake: I don't think so Megan. In fact, why don't you just run up to your— hey! (Megan snatches the remote and flips Drake)

Josh: (shocked at what Megan just did) What the? Megan, you can't just flip someone— Yeow! (Megan flips Josh with ease and proceeds to sit on the couch)

Scene from "Megan's New Teacher"

Josh: I am your teacher, and you will show me some respect!

(Megan responds by pulling Josh's pants down and snatches her Pintendo GS and leaves)



Scene from "Sheep Thrills"

(Megan presses a button on a remote and a door opens on the radio song player and shoots paintballs at Drake)

(Megan presses a button a remote and a door opens on the radio song player and shoots paintballs at Josh)

Megan: Happy?

(flashback sequence ends)



Dr. Phyllis Tupper: (laughing) Now, I find it hard to believe that an eleven-year-old girl did all all those things to you.

Drake: Well, it's true.

Josh: Yeah, you want to see the scars and bruises?

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: No, thank you. Now, what I'd like you to do is try a physical exercise. If you could turn and face each other...

(Drake and Josh turn and face each other in their chairs)

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: ...Now take each other's hands.

Drake: Ew. Gross.

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Take each other's hands.

(Drake reluctantly takes Josh's hands)

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: Good, good. Now, I want you to close your eyes and think back to a time—

(Drake pinches Josh's palm)

Josh: Ow! He pinched my palm!

Drake: I did not! (Josh twists Drake's thumb) Ow! Ow! He twisted my thumb!

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: (getting angry and yelling) Boys! Boys! BOYS! BOYS! BOYS!

(Drake and Josh hit, thump, and smack each other and scream)

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: (now furious) BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! BOYS!

Josh: I'll get you for that!

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: (still angry and trying to break Drake and Josh up) Stop it! Boys, stop! What are you doing?! Boys! (gets out of her chair and tries to separate Drake and Josh) Now— Now just stop it!

Dr. Phyllis Tupper: (furious) Is this how you two deal with your problems— with physical violence?!

Drake: Well...

Josh: On rare occasions.

(flashback sequence starts)

Scene from "Foam Finger"

Josh: (getting furious) That finger should belong to me.

Drake: Yeah? Well, you can't have it. You know why?

Josh: Why?

Drake: (in a taunting tone) Because I'm number one!

(Josh tries to snatch the foam finger from Drake and then proceeds to pull Drake on the couch and the two fight which ends with Josh taking the finger and snapping it)

Josh: Ha! Ha!

Scene from "The Bet"

(Drake and Josh fight and end up splashing into a plastic pool filled with chocolate milk and end up making a mess in their room)

Scene from "Little Sibling"

(Josh slaps Drake, who proceeds to slap Josh, who slaps him back and the two proceed to slap each other)

Drake and Josh at once: Time out!

Scene from "Driver's License"

Police Officer: I'm afraid I'm gonna have to give you a ticket, son.

Josh: (anger rising) No, sir, you're going to have to give me two tickets.

Police Officer: (confused) What for?

Josh: One for the faulty tail light, and one for this! (Josh attacks Drake, and their date leaves the car and two accidentally cause the car's horn to go off)

Scene from "Playing the Field"

Josh: (in a high-pitched voice) What is it, Drake?

Drake: Okay, I can't do this if he's going to talk like that.

Josh: I'm being a girl.

Drake: (taunting Josh) What girl has a moustache, other than your grandmother?

Josh: That tears it! (attacks Drake)

Mindy: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Mindy quickly separates Drake and Josh)




Trivia

  • Walter Nichols and Audrey Parker-Nichols were absent in this episode, though they appeared in flashbacks.
  • Dr. Phyllis is an obvious parody of Dr. Phil.
  • The episode shows no clips from Season 1.
  • Liza Tupper is mentioned for the first time since Playing the Field.
  • This is the second episode to feature clips from previous episodes, the first being Peruvian Puff Pepper.
  • Near the end of the episode, Drake and Josh claim that Dr. Phyllis only made them talk about only the bad times between but that's untrue, she specificaly said that she wanted them to talk about happier times they shared with each other before the ad break, but they just simply responded negatively without a second thought, so it's likely they forgot she said that.

Goofs

  • At the beginning of this episode, Megan said that it was 11:45pm and after she gave Drake and Josh the tickets, said that they would go the next day after school. Would Audrey and Walter really let Drake and Josh stay up as late as 11:45pm on a school night?
    • They probably did not know as they could be asleep.
  • At the start of the episode when Drake is playing golf in their room, Josh said that Drake destroyed his Kindergarden diploma and that there is no proof. Drake only destroyed the frame not the diploma itself.
  • Drake should have realized that Dr. Phyllis is related to Liza as she said her full name, Phyllis Tupper, but he could have also believed that she was related to different family with the last name Tupper. It is a common thing in real life: there are families with the same last name, but are not related to each other.
  • At the end of the episode, Drake mentions how Dr. Phyliss did not make them think of the good times they had, but just before the first commercial break, Dr. Phyllis tells them to think of happier times.
    • They probably were too focused on the negatives to pay attention.
  • When Dr. Phyllis fights Drake and Josh on set, a man is heard off-screen yelling "Security!". It is surprising that security didn't actually arrive on set and break up the fight, although they could've arrived to break up the fight off screen.

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